That spot .

That spot ;

I still have that spot for you .

You know , the one that's on my lips.

The one you hit the first time we ever kissed.

& it wasn't expected , because I wasn't sure if you wanted too.

But when you did it , I think that that was the moment that I wanted to give my all to you .

I still have that spot for you.

You know the one on my neck?

The one that you kissed the first time we had sex.

& I was drunk and nervous, but I knew what I was doing .

I knew that I wanted you to be exactly where you were .

I still have that spot for you. 

The one in my spirit .

The one that jumps and makes me want to giggle every time some one says your name and I hear it .

The one you put inside of me , when we went to the movies.

I remember cause I never had someone hold me the way you did .

You weren't hesitant at all, you took the lead .

In terms of affection , you gave me everything that you knew I would need .

I still have that spot for you .

The one that put a smile on my face.

When you walked Into the lions den that night to meet my daddy and all of his friends.

I was afraid to leave you out there , I didn't know what to do . You surprised me , you even made my king like you. I think it was in that moment that I fell in love with you.

I still have that spot for you .

The one in my heart .

The heart that I wanted so badly to give to you but everything fell apart.

I could've been everything to you , cause you were perfection .

Looking at you was like seeing my own reflection .

But you weren't mine to keep .

I think that you were my karma for the bad things I've done .

With you I had so much fun 

We made so many memories and I planned on making more.

Then just as I began to plan , karma had the last laugh .

Now I can't find anyone that makes me feel like you .

I can't find anyone that's real like you .

I can't find anyone that knows me like you .

You gave me the confidence that I never had

The sexiness that I lacked 

You showed me everything that I didn't think I would find in your smile.

You were a lesson , I think that's why you could only stay for just a while .

But how can I find someone 

When I never fell out of love with you? 😔

It's cause I still have that spot for you.

The one that will never go away . 

No matter how hard I try to forget you , I always know you're still there.

Ill always have that spot for you .. It's not fair 😔. 

- Camille Denine 

Exhale .

At first it's like a dagger piercing your skin.

Unbearable pain leaving you in a blank state .

Anger resentment revenge and hate

Are the only feelings you can muster .

When the thought of your person being someone else's person begins to eat you alive .

It hurts

Your burning up inside . 

Cupid shot his arrow ..

It was long & narrow 

Precisely so that he will never miss .

He knew exactly when to do it ..

When you were caught slipping leaving the house without your bullet proof vest..

You were shot 

A wide open wound has been left in your chest .

What now ?

Stitches . Look at your stitches . 

A constant reminder to exhale and let go

To move on and let love live & stop the tears from their flow 

Like the Nile river

They stream down your face 

Showing your weakness don't let them see it .

Eeexxxhhaaaalllleeee 💨.

- Camille Denine . 📝💞

Imperfectly Perfect.

My naked body is my honest truth .

I can hide it

 &

Shower myself in clothes that are new 

But nothing changes underneath .

My tummy is still chubby 

My breast are still a size 38DD 

My thighs are still thick 

My tattoo on the back if my right shoulder still sits 

& the words on my collarbone still send whispers to my ears 

When my mind provokes stressful thoughts & bring salty tears . 

Exhale & let go .

Release the pent up frustrations from the secrets I hold..

 The ones no one will ever know.

My hair is still my own ..

Dark brown 

Thick & healthy

Medium in length ..

Frayed ends but 

Full in strength .

My nose still big ..

& my lips still pink ..

My butt is still rounded & sits up in tight jeans . 

My arms won't let me fit a small sized tee ..

Sometimes not even a large 

Cause I can't fit the sleeves .

My shoes are still a size 10..

Yes, I have big feet ..

I wasn't built for small sizes that are dainty & petit .

I was built big , because the contents of me are so creative , loving , amazing & great..

That it would be impossible to stuff it all into a tiny size 8 !

I am a lot of woman , because I deserve a HELL of a man .

I am big , because I am beautiful ❤️👊😉. 

-Camille Denine 

Note to self . By : Camille Denine

Hey there pretty girl..

Looking at yourself in the mirror ?

The reflections of the tears you've cried & the dirt you've done couldn't be any clearer .

Covered in all of your sins 

You forget that you are human ..

& carry the weight of the world on your back.

The world is mean and cruel and full of people who attack like wolves

& they are looking at you like you are a snack.

Pretty girl , 

This is not his fault .

Blaming everything on that man 

Won't bring him back .

It won't make him treat you any better .

It won't erase your past.

It won't make the simple things that are supposed to move slow, move fast.

Do you know what you are worth?

You claim that you do 

But how can that be the truth ?

You know what your problems are ..

But have you found the root?

Because in the end you are always

 hurt .

You claim that no one puts you first..

But let's start with you .

How do you make yourself feel?

If you don't acknowledge the problem , pretty girl, how will you heal?

No one can fix what's broken inside of you.

Not even the new boy you have standing beside you .

Stop and pay attention to the little girl hiding behind you ..

She's running around in circles trying to find you ..

She is lost..

But even she can tell who's lying to who.

It's you .

You are the answer to finding yourself ..

Pretty girl .

You are the answer .

- Camille Denine .

Update !

Ive decided to change my writing name from Camille Smith to Camille Denine :) lol just didn't want y'all to be confused !

Late Nights . By Camille Denine .

When it's late ..

No one is around 

And you're the only one awake..

Your past makes an appearance 

And the corner of your mind that you pushed those bad thoughts too

Slowly come to the front like the sun rising in the sky..

And just for a second

Your heart is broken again.

Just for a second. 

Then you think about what you did wrong..

When you will finally be happy.. Cause it's been so long. 

You remind yourself that you deserve the stars and the moon..

And that whoever you end up with will be here soon to take you into their arms and show you true loyalty.

Shower you.. Not with gifts..

But with love like you are royalty . 

Tossing and turning ..

It's hard to get to sleep ..

insides yearning for

Affection..

Tired of the disrespect and neglect 

And the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that is set in your heart..

That feeling of being so torn apart

By the packs of horny wolves who disguise themselves as men .

At least you know now , what you didn't know then..

Before you go to sleep ..

Count backwards to ten 

& promise yourself that you will NEVER allow yourself to be played again .

- Camille Denine .

Untitled . By: Camille Smith

Calling my name..

I hear you calling my name .

Whispering dirty secrets in my ear..

Seducing my spirit into lust .

You freak , you whore , you dirty dirty boy 

I know what you want me to say . 

You want me to curse and moan and groan and scratch your back and lick my lips ...

You want to keep me a secret..

Tuck me away in your pocket as if I don't exist..

As if my only purpose is to feed your sweltering misogamist ego..

To let you finger fuck my mind as if it's your personal peephole .

You want me to 

Listen to your lies 

Let you sell me a dream 

Bask in a fantasy land that you created..

Where is this place .. It's so out dated..

And the time spent waiting for you to show up.. Is so out waited..

Remember the good times?

Is anything you said to me even related ?

Or did you just spit at me .. Sending me random miscorrelations..

Asking me questions like 

Will I come over tonight &

Fuck you to sleep

Then wake you up after cooking you something to eat .

Then maybe clean up the kitchen and wash your dirty sheets.

Use Gain to wash away the imprint  of another woman's head on your pillow case.

Then a little bit of Downy fabric softener to cover up the scent of her dried cum on your fucking cover.

Lying motherfucker.. 

I am not your bitch .

- Camille S .

Crave . By Camille Smith

I miss you..

The way you made my body feel

So damn good .

I'd kiss you and suck on your bottom lip ..

Just so i could taste you 

You make me so wet

The way you do it to me, I'll never forget 

The kisses you place on the back of my neck

Running your fingertips up my spine

I love when you do that .

I can tell you've missed me in the way that you move

Chocolate brown skin so smooth

I leave soft kisses all over your tattoos . 

You make me scream your name . 

My daddy is you .. 

Can't no other nigga do it like you 

Make my back arch .. My toes curl my nipples hard .

You've got me so turned out . 

You are the man , without a doubt.

Every inch of my body responds to your lips.. 

When you taste me I grind on your face w my hips .

IT feels so damn good .

You make me feel so damn good .

Chills are being shot through my body

All I can feel is this 

And the cum runs down my legs 

My nectar leaks 

Right onto your tongue 

So sweet

The way you grip my thighs and hold on to my waist 

Leaving no space between you and I 

Staring directly into your eyes .

I feel so high .. And all I want is you inside..

Inside of me baby ..

Make me feel like your lady

Like my pussy is enough for you 

& you appreciate me for everything I do..

Pleasure me .. Cause I deserve it ..

I'm worth it .

Heartbreak Kid : By Camille Smith

Look into my eyes and tell me what me what you see.. 

Do you see my desires , my hopes and my dreams?

Do you recognize a woman who is full of love and compassion..

Who will do anything for her man?

Who provide comfort and a shoulder to lean..

Or do you just see my big titties and the fat ass in my jeans  ?😒

When I'm talking to you do you even hear what I'm saying ?

Do you understand the feelings that I'm relaying..

Everything is a game to you..

why you always playing?

I do too much for you..

Jumping high and in between 

Just trying to be seen .

Packing my face with make up ..

Hurrying to the bathroom to fix myself before you wake up..

Shopping at the mall..

Buying pants two sizes too small..

All of this in hopes that you aren't like the last guy..

The one that broke my heart..

Damn .. I know how it ends.. But why does it start?

Why lie and connive to get something so precious to me..

Something you don't deserve ..

You work so hard to strip me of my worth.. When all it would take is for you to get to know me..

If you put half the effort you put into getting my pussy..

You might just realize that you like me !

This is why I'm lonely .

Cause no nigga out here is trying to own me..

To be my everything 

And satisfy my every need .

Selfish.. He's in it for himself ...

I got fucked over twice ..

& ever since then my heart has turned to ice .

It's cold .. 

Unfortunately I don't see myself opening up with someone and growing old...

At least no time soon..

The fear I'm carrying is a deep and still opened wound ..

Sometimes I wish I could outcast myself to the moon and write stories about outer space ..

What a waste. A waste of love that could be given to someone worth it..

To me.. None of y'all will ever deserve it.. But that's cause at this point you'd have to be perfect for me to even consider changing my ways.. 

But what's fucked up is that there's no such thing..

No such thing as perfect . 

Mr. Wrong By: Camille Smith

To my mister wrong

Nothing about you is right . 

From that pretty ass smile down to your Nike boots . You're not good for me. 

See my mister right , he's just as fine and as chocolate as can be ....

But unlike you , his presence doesn't make me weak .  Around you very easily I lose my ability to speak, let alone think about the decisions I make... I just wanna be around you for as long as it takes .. For you to see me with the same eyes as I see you through.. For you to want to be inside of me, the way I want you . 

OH mister right ! I'm sorry... I didn't see you there... I'm not paying attention to you, when did you get here? Youre right. i shouldnt treat uou this way, you dont deserve it .. If you leave me I know I deserve it .I'm going to stop baby ! I promise, I'm gonna stay faithful . You're so good to me & I've been so ungrateful . Yes ! We can get married , & I'll have all your babies ! But I can't be a stay at home mom. That shit will drive me crazy!! Lets plan our honey moon so that you know it's real . I want you to know I'm done playing games, I'm stepping off the field !

What's that mister wrong? You said you miss me ? I miss you too... Oh my goodness yes !  .. I miss that too !  Of course I remember that feeling you made me feel.. And the goosebumps my back.. And sometimes that CHILL ! Maybe I could have your babies , mister wrong . Maybe this time wrong could be right.. Wait.. Where are you going ? Thats  just like you to come over , sweet talk me , & get all of these thoughts flowing . All just to leave me again high and dry . You left me hurting.. Just like I did mister right . 

Mister right I'm sorry that I'm your Miss Wrong. & I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long . You're a good man & this is why I can't deserve you... Because when mister wrong comes back.. I'm only going to hurt you . Again and again it's a cycle of lies and pain . The sounds of footsteps? That's me chasing something I cannot attain ... Mister right, mister right..  find your Perfect match .. because she can appreciate the love and care you waste on me, she'll even give it back. Me? I'll be here .. Waiting for mister wrong .. He's close by.. I can hear him whistling his tired old song... 

Sleepless nights by Camille Smith

Sun sets.. Night time falls 

First thing on my mind is you

There's no one around ..

Just me , my thoughts all alone .

Trying to distract myself with text messages in my phone..

Nothing works.. So I close my eyes and try to go to sleep.. 

But I can't cause my will power is too weak ..

My thoughts are too deep.. 

Even if I try it , I can't deny it .

Fuck..

I'm stuck baby . 

I'm stuck .

Devil: By Camille Smith

To everyone else you are an everyday person.

But to me , you are the devil .

An evil and conniving rebel .

At first I was infatuated.. You swept me off my feet..

Everything about you so sweet.

The kisses you gave me so soft..

Planted right on my cheek until 

Finally I let you explore inside of me..

And that was when I saw you .

I saw you for who you really are .

A demon.. A monster ..

The worst memories I have are with you .

I felt like you had ruined my life.. I didn't know what to do..

This is so fucked up cause I'm still attracted you ..

I can't control myself when I'm around you..

It's like everything my daddy warned me about , is exactly what I found in you.

I have dirty thoughts of your fingertips caressing my inner thighs

The anticipation of you tasting me sends chills up my spine..

Then I open my eyes and see the fire all around me ..

I'm in hell .

You brought me to hell..

Should I call for help? Who should I tell..

Who will save me from the damage that your evil has done ?

When I see your face hatred and I become one .

Then you lick your lips..

And touch my neck..

Rest your hand on my hips..

Then I don't want to leave . 

I want to stay here in hell and I hope that no one finds me..

This inner fight inside me ..

Between right and wrong..

Am I here or am I gone..

I don't know what's going on ! 

You must be the devil..

Or at least you are to me.. 

If I try to hide from you , will you come and find me?

What will it take for you to let me be.. Or for me to let you be..

It's not just you, it's me .

My sex demon , you are ..

You use your  powers to tease me ..

To ease me into the darkness ..

To temporarily appease me..

To fuck me 

To mislead me 

And to verbally mistreat me .

Please.. Devil..

Leave me alone .

Send me back home.. 

It's where I belong 

Take me to where the sky is blue

Please devil.. 

Send me away from you..

Untitled Short story by Camille Smith

How did I know it was you? 

The first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew . 

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon .. The birds were chirping and there was a slight breeze. I was walking outside from an Italian restaurant after having met my girls for a day of shopping for shoes. We decided to have lunch and then head out separate ways.

As I was walking to my car, I saw you . Lord you were so fine.

Tall , caramel skin & an incredibly attractive smile . I knew this because you were flashing your pearly white teeth and dashing dimples as you were walking and talking on your cell phone . I watched you walk up to the car next to mine.

When I saw you I must've stopped dead in my tracks .. Because there was a car beeping it's horn behind me . It was waiting for me to cross the street towards the parking lot and I hadn't noticed . Everyone walking by noticed, including you.  must've looked like a complete fool.

I hurried to my car and as I was nearing the trunk, to put my bags inside you said 

"Excuse me, ma'am ."

I looked over to you , I wanted to make sure you weren't still on the phone .. 

But you weren't , you were looking directly at me . 

"Yes?" I responded . I wanted to play it cool , didn't want you to know that I was bursting with excitement internally.

"Does this belong to you?" 

In your hand , was a bag with my left overs inside . When I was rushing to get to my car ,it must've slipped out of my hands . My hands were filled with bags of shoes , so I wouldn't even have noticed . 

"Yes , I didn't even realize I had dropped them , thank you !"

You smiled at me , and offered to help me put away my bags . 

I agreed to let you help me.

We had little conversation before you asked if I was seeing anyone .

The redness that flashed in my cheeks let you know that I wasn't .

It doesn't sound like a fairytale , but it played out like one in my mind..

Even now sometimes at , when it's late and you are asleep .. I look over at you sleeping so peacefully and ask myself , how did I know it was you ? . 

Him . 👿

I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you .

Don't get shit mistaken tho, I do hate you . Why? I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST ASK ME WHY! as many nights as I have sat up thinking to myself Why? You gonna ask me why ?! You Selfish son of a B- , you know what? I won't give you the satisfaction . I'll tell you why, since you asking . I hate you for all the times you called my phone.. Sweet talkin.. With that smooth ass mouthpiece ... Just so u can come over & get this smooth Ass&  omouth peice . But see I'm not mad at you baby, because that's my fault . I knew what you were about from the start. I knew you had little girlfriend.. I've even seen her around town . Thinking to myself I wonder if she knows how her man getting down. But that was my first mistake . Not messing with you in the first place.. Because I will never deny that I enjoy your taste.. Your body , your sex . Your late night phone calls & early morning texts . The mistake was catching feelings in the middle of the do . Mistaking your moans And groans & "uhhhhhh's" for I love you.  It was my fault for being so naive . For thinking that you stayed all night for me . I didn't catch myself and stop to think ... My mind was clouded by the bullshit this nigga was feeding me. Again, let me reiterate , I'm NOT mad at you . It's not your fault . All you wanted to do was me & I took that shit to heart.  It wasn't you it was me that took my own heart out my chest & ripped it apart ! See by allowing myself to indulge in your games , I set myself up for just what I got .. Heartbreak & pain. So to answer your question yes nigga, I hate you .. But not for what you did to me. I hate you for what I did to myself . I hate you for endangering my health . For making me look in the mirror & hate what I see . For feeling like I had so much bitch in me . I am a WOMAN I was born to feel . You made me feel like nothing was real.. Like I had to be a man & hide my emotions . Like I was supposed to put in a hard face & play the games that you set in motion . You made me feel USED.. I let you abuse me . Not physically nor mentally , but emotionally damage me. I hate you . Now don't get happy just yet , because I know you like to see me sad . But you will not today . I am MAD . But as angry as I am I have YET to cry , I won't even THINK about shedding a tear for you, I'd rather die .... From the embarrassment that you've already showered me with . You've labeled me as just another girl you've fucked , another heart you broken , as just another bitch . & for that I hate you . But wait.. I can smell the roses.. I will come back from this knockdown . I REFUSE to stay broken . & no I don't need another useless nigga to fix me . I will fix me . & it will just remain WE.  Me , myself & I . I will love myself , hold myself , kiss myself & touch myself . So easily , I will replace you . Soon it will be you , not me playing the fool . & THAT is a sight I cannot wait to see .  Now ask me WHY again , & see if I don'tk pick up a pen so quick & try my best to Stab you! Because you know right now I'd be glad too . When you hear this , know that i will no longer wait for you. So when you come running back .. no matter how long it takes you.. I sincerely want you to know that I hate you . 

Sloppy Seconds by : Camille Smith

There is no such thing as second .

At least it ain't to me .

My father told me to change the world and be the best that I can be .

Always come isn first .

Fuck second place ..

Cause second place is only what they give losers to save face .

I refuse to be number two..

Being an option just won't do .

& this is a lessons I had to learn not once But twice .

Always giving and making that sacrifice 

For someone who's not shit .

When you lay down with dogs , it's true that fleas is what you get .

I'm a woman of character ,

I'm more than just my hips .

More than just a pretty smile 

& full and supple lips .

I am smart , beautiful and talented .

Go and spread the news ..

Honestly , I'm blaming this on Dr. Seuss .

Teaching me the basics of how to match A simple rhyme..

I'm slowly developing into a literary mastermind .

All of these are not traits of someone who is number two.

Being sloppy seconds will never be something I am used too .

Picasso By: Camille Smith

Picasso .
A genius at his craft.
Artistically he is what Biggie would be to rap.
That's opinionated of course..
He could be considered Tupac..
Who was musically what we would compare as the Beatles in rock .
My craft is my rock .
It is what inspires me .
The poems I write always come from deep inside of me.
I am my notebook , as my notebook is me.
Together my notebook and I are going to make history.
I have a higher purpose , & that's for people to hear me .
For everyone to feel me and get to know the real me .
My deepest fears , secrets & treasures are the very things that make me.
People hate me .
They want to see me fail ..
It's the saddest shit I've ever seen
But still I will prevail .
I will go places that I never dreamed that I would see ..
& Everyone that supports , of course is coming with me .
Creatively I Wonder.. Like Stevie
But I'm always humbled cause lyrically there are others that will eat me ..
That's just the food chain..
Resentment and hatred is all apart of the game..
I have a sound and a voice all I need is a name ..
& I will shine in this industry like  the sun does on a window pane..
I believe that my poetry will change the game ..
It's not the money I'm after or the fame .
Its the recognition of true art that I seek
& to accept that I'm ordinary would be to accept defeat.
I'm extraordinary .
My words sweet like the nectar dripping from a ripe Georgia peach..
My messages , they're deep.
Reaching inside of your mind , my passion makes you think .
Things that were once black and white are now bright and pink .
My purpose is to write the ending that no one can fore see .
It's all up to me .