Dear No One .

I feel like I'm buried 6 feet under your heart.

Eyes closed, body still , nothing but the dark .

Nothing about you & I makes sense. I was afraid to make a real move 

So I just played the fence . 

Rapidly does the desire for your attention rise in me .

The need for your affection surprises me .

A year ago I lacked the vision I needed to love you .

To hold you in my arms, to kiss and hug you .

In the back of my mind , I know that I am too late .

It was overly selfish of me to ever ask you to wait.

For me to assume that no matter what you would never leave me .

Asked you to promise that you'd never lie or deceive me .

All along I was doing it to myself .

I turned my back to you. 

You didn't deserve that.

The tears that I cry for you burn.

I can't make up for your wasted time, but now it's your turn.

You're in control , now it's my heart that your hands hold .

& Honestly, you have every right to break it.

I won't rob you of that opportunity.. But I hope that you won't take it .

& I hope that you'll forgive me for what I have done .

I hope that where you are , you're having fun .

& being yourself around people who understand who that is .

Unfortunately it doesn't seem like I ever did .

I don't know you . 

But I adore everything about you that I have yet to learn .

- Camille Denine 👑.

Death To Cupid

When it's apparent

That even though I'm trying

Nothing I do is good enough 

I have to stop.

I can't find you .

I'm looking & looking .

I'm doing all the right things to attract  you.

It's like you're hiding from me.

Purposely keeping your distance.

Lurking in the shadows if my imagination 

No longer keeping hope alive 

I give up on my search 

Can't find something that doesn't want to be found .

Tired of getting my hopes just to continuously be let down .

Tired of being penetrated by loveless souls 

Used for physical satisfaction

No interest in my personality

No interest in my affections

No interest in my heart 

Tired of being jealous of my happy friends 

The sooner I accept it 

The sooner my unhappiness will come to a peaceful yet bitter cease.

You have no plans for me, Cupid .

No arrow with my name .

No happily ever after for me .

Just thin white smoke for the pain.

-Camille Denine 👑

Untitled Quote .

" I hate the affect that your very existence has on my heart. I hate how powerful your lips are, that every time they touch mine wet is an understatement . Water fall is not an exaggeration. It's interesting, because I watch you change like the seasons do. & you always end up at my door . I am not flattered by the annoyingly large amount of care I hold for you in my chest . I say chest because it's so consuming that it bypasses my heart & floods my very chest. It would be poetic.. Instead , I find it quite distasteful."

- Camille. Denine 👑.

Empty Thoughts .

I wish that you would have an actual conversation with me .

I know some shit should just be understood, but I need conformation.

With you , it's firecrackers & every time we do it's crazy 😩😍.

My skin doesn't rise to meet everybody's touch like it does yours.

& I know you have her & your happy. 

But if so, why are you texting me?

So many things that you do & I see but you'll never admit your true feelings to me..

I don't want to keep you .

To keep you would be to defy the universe , it would fuck up the sea levels & make it snow in July..

But if I could experience you , one last time..

I'd be lost in that moment forever .

- Camille Denine💞

Daddy's little girl .

If I never had anybody , I could count on you .

From the time I was knee high in timberland boots 

I would always copy the things you'd do .

Sitting in the backseat of hour big red truck .

Daddy we were so cool.

Children's story by Slick Rick was my favorite song .

No matter who else was in the car , you'd blast it on repeat.

I'd sit in my car seat bobbing my head and bouncing my little feet. 

20 years apart , you were my Best friend 

The only man to ever treat me right 

The only person that would understand .

My first love , nobody on earth had a daddy like mine 

No one in the world would take on the highest mountains to climb 

& he would do it just for me.

Taught me everything I know from horny little boys to wearing stylish clothes.

Told me I was a princess & I deserve the moon.

My deepest fear has always been disappointing you. 

My king , my heartbeat , my everything 

How could you look at me , your baby girl and say those things?

Why have we been fighting more these days then laughing ?

Now I'm all alone away from home on my own .

On bad terms with the most important man in my life .

Walking a thin line.. Treading on ice.

Once the center of my universe , now I feel betrayed .

I'll take what you've taught me , and make something of myself .

I wish I could've done it with your help.

But hopefully this will make you proud .

Unfortunately if it does, I still won't be around .

The wedge in between us has always been her .

So daddy for now this is goodbye .

Don't think that this isn't burning me up inside .

But you need space to realize who I am and who I can become .

That you raised a queen who can write like none other 

Who's passion for story telling is unheard of .

A young woman who is doing her best 

To please you and pass your ever judgement test .

An emotional mess who's heart is easily broken 

An articulate artist who's words are clearly spoken.

Daddy I love you with every ounce of me..

One day I hope you forgive me & I hope that I forgive you .

& that you can finally be proud of this hardworking , creative , smart mouthed , emotional , sensitive & pretty version of you .

- Camille Denine 💕

Lips . 👄

Lips . 

So soft and sweet .

Send chills down my back to my feet.

Inspires sweaty & hot thoughts of desire .

Creating images of green grass & white fences.

Erasing any heart break , making pain senseless .

Lips .

Seal bonds made for forever with something as simple as a kiss .

Speaking powerful words of success or corruption into existence.

Lips.

Bring peace with the sweetest whispers .

Bring sorrow with lies .

So I take all of this into the deepest of consideration..

When I'm lying in bed alone thinking of you and contemplating.

No more need to think .

Cause I know that I will walk through 

Fire until my tan feet are an ugly raw pink.

Skate on ice against every one of my friends advice.

Just to get to those lips .

- Camille Denine 💕

Knowledge .

The human skull is thick & hollow .

It's as if it is designed to keep away information .

Inside , it holds a brain.

A control center .

Triggering pain 

Emotion

Love

Devotion

Lust

Simple everyday bodily functions.

But it's simple.

It's as simple as a teenage girl who looks in the mirror panicking over a seemingly large pimple before her high school prom .

She thinks the world is over .

What a simple thought .

That same teenage girl is now 25.

A woman in every sense of the word.

Yet she believes in things that she does not see , but things that she has only heard.

What is knowledge ?

Is it something people get when they graduate high school and go off to college?

If so I feel cheated . 

Cause I know a lot of ignorant motherfuckers at schools that are the most prestigious.

Remember that time?

When things were so bad 

And you were so low .

That time you wanted to fall to your knees and head towards the nearest exit to go .

When even hell seemed like a picnic compared to your strife 

When in the darkest of times there seemed to be no light.

It's a lesson we have to learn.. Us 

Every human being on earth .

The ego is detrimental to our education .

When we get Gods words lost in Satan's evil translations 

We develop a dangerous misconception of knowing .

Life has a way of picking us up and throwing us down.

Making us Karma's bitch, so she slaps us around.

Envy drives us insane 

& Lust pumps through our veins

Again , Simple chaotic emotions .

Directed by our control center .

Our tiny brains.

Knowledge is Him .

It is nothing we are born with .

Nothing we are promised .

But something you must desire to seek for it to be accomplished.

Something we have to thirst for

Something we have to crave 

Something we do not take for granted 

Something we save .

-Camille Denine 💕

Untitled .

"I'm going to die"

Is what I remember thinking .

Here I was sitting shot gun in a ship quickly sinking .

How did this even happen?

I don't understand .

One minute I was changing the music 

Then it all got out of hand .

And I heard the wheels of my car screeching 

I couldn't regain control 

I gave up and let it take the toll .

And I shut my eyes & covered my head .

All the while thinking 

"I'm about to be dead."

Every time I close my eyes I can see that car crashing .

I can see the shattered windshield 

I can feel the car tumbling .. Bumping.. Then flip and hit something.

The car stopped .

I had been holding my breath .

The shaking in my hands was uncontrolled .

I could feel the panic begin to rise in my toes .

I searched for my phone . 

I had to call my daddy .

If I could just find it , he would come and take me home .

I heard people coming . 

Then I heard my self screaming .

"HELLLLLP, HELLLLLP"

I can still hear myself screaming.

A man came through my rear window .

He asked me my name .

I could barely say it to him 

There was too much terror in my voice to be contained .

He pulled me out and I latched onto him and I cried .

I cried so hard .

I cried so loud .

I cried so deep .

I cried with every inch and ounce of me .

"I was about to die ."

Thoughts I hadn't fully grasped .

I listened to the men who had helped me tell me how lucky I am .

Tell me that I had barely missed the rail .

Tell me that had I not hit a tree 

I would have continued to flip and flip and flip down that hill until..

It was beyond help.

"Is my daddy coming?"

I remember asking .

Looking around frantically for him to grasp me .

To take my hand and save me like he always does .

To be my knight in shining armor like he always was .

I can't sleep.

I have horrible visions

And I hear terrifying screams .

I have to kneel down to GOD and thank him for sparing me ..

But in the same breath I have to ask him to help me again .

To help me heal .

Who I was before that accident did die .

She died behind that wheel ..

And I came back a freshly redeemed Camille .

But where do I go from here ?

How can anything even be the same?

How can I laugh again..

How can I talk..

I find myself bedridden not even wanting to get up and walk .

I am afraid to get in a car ..

Terrified to drive ..

Scared to even go outside .

How do I beat my fear?

Thank you God for sparing me any physical damage ..

Please God heal my psychological baggage .

Please God protect my sanity 

Please God invoke my humanity 

And help me to smile and laugh again.

So easily two days ago could've been the end .

But that wasn't apart of your divine plan..

Please God hold me...

Please God hold my hand .

-Camille Denine 💕

Questions Unanswered

Why are people so temporary?

It seems as if everyone I meet had a time limit .

One minute they there & the next I look up and they time finished .

Why do I love him if he don't love me? My heart beats for him and he can't even see . 

Even if he does see , he doesn't understand . So why was it him that grabbed my attention? I ain't do it on purpose it wasn't in the plans.

Why is loyalty such a difficult task?

Every one person is two , just wearing a different mask .

In a blanket of reds I'm the only blue.

Lesson I had to learn, nobody can ever love and take care of me like I do .

Why don't I know how to be alone ? Even when I am, my face is glued to my phone . Even when there's no one to talk to , no one who cares . Alone time with myself is scarce .

What do I do? How can I make myself laugh.. Make myself smile ..how do I become my own bestfriend? It's true what they say .. I came in this world alone and I'll be by myself in the end .  

-Camille Denine 💕

Contradiction .

My favorite thing about you is me .

Does that make sense?

Does it make sense that the best part of looking into your eyes is seeing my reflection? 

I am a puzzle piece that only you can put together .

So easily you can decipher which piece to place in which space .

It's as if you've studied me for a class you take .

You are the beautifully written romance novel I have been dying to write and with every kiss and. Every hug and every time you wickedly flash your beautiful and deep dimples at me , I am one step closer to completing my task .

If I am paper you are my pen 

And I know that it doesn't make much sense to you 

But I breathe ink

I breathe paper

So in turn I breathe you .

You know what you are to me 

I know what I am to you 

But somehow right now .. 

As much as I'd like to be side by side stuck to you ..

I don't see it written in the stars .

So when I say I'm over you 

I mean it .

I mean that I will no longer be a hopeless slave to the single dwindling thought in the back of My mind that we will soon be together .

I won't torture myself hoping that you aren't lying inside of another .

I won't entertain trying to make you jealous or fighting with you through texts every other day .

I won't do it .

Cause I don't have too .

Cause you're mine .

I'm over wanting you , but that doesn't mean that I don't .

It doesn't mean that I'm going to leave you alone .

It doesn't mean that you being with someone else will ever be okay .

It just means that I know that I can't have you .

And I choose to accept that fact today.

But that doesn't mean that I don't want you .

- Camille Denine 💖