Untitled .

"I'm going to die"

Is what I remember thinking .

Here I was sitting shot gun in a ship quickly sinking .

How did this even happen?

I don't understand .

One minute I was changing the music 

Then it all got out of hand .

And I heard the wheels of my car screeching 

I couldn't regain control 

I gave up and let it take the toll .

And I shut my eyes & covered my head .

All the while thinking 

"I'm about to be dead."

Every time I close my eyes I can see that car crashing .

I can see the shattered windshield 

I can feel the car tumbling .. Bumping.. Then flip and hit something.

The car stopped .

I had been holding my breath .

The shaking in my hands was uncontrolled .

I could feel the panic begin to rise in my toes .

I searched for my phone . 

I had to call my daddy .

If I could just find it , he would come and take me home .

I heard people coming . 

Then I heard my self screaming .

"HELLLLLP, HELLLLLP"

I can still hear myself screaming.

A man came through my rear window .

He asked me my name .

I could barely say it to him 

There was too much terror in my voice to be contained .

He pulled me out and I latched onto him and I cried .

I cried so hard .

I cried so loud .

I cried so deep .

I cried with every inch and ounce of me .

"I was about to die ."

Thoughts I hadn't fully grasped .

I listened to the men who had helped me tell me how lucky I am .

Tell me that I had barely missed the rail .

Tell me that had I not hit a tree 

I would have continued to flip and flip and flip down that hill until..

It was beyond help.

"Is my daddy coming?"

I remember asking .

Looking around frantically for him to grasp me .

To take my hand and save me like he always does .

To be my knight in shining armor like he always was .

I can't sleep.

I have horrible visions

And I hear terrifying screams .

I have to kneel down to GOD and thank him for sparing me ..

But in the same breath I have to ask him to help me again .

To help me heal .

Who I was before that accident did die .

She died behind that wheel ..

And I came back a freshly redeemed Camille .

But where do I go from here ?

How can anything even be the same?

How can I laugh again..

How can I talk..

I find myself bedridden not even wanting to get up and walk .

I am afraid to get in a car ..

Terrified to drive ..

Scared to even go outside .

How do I beat my fear?

Thank you God for sparing me any physical damage ..

Please God heal my psychological baggage .

Please God protect my sanity 

Please God invoke my humanity 

And help me to smile and laugh again.

So easily two days ago could've been the end .

But that wasn't apart of your divine plan..

Please God hold me...

Please God hold my hand .

-Camille Denine 💕