Clint Session - Deadbeat dad to his special needs baby tho 😳

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A journey to myself .

The journey I'm on isn't new 

It's been going on for some time 

Countless prayers each night 

Asking what was my crime ?

What did I do to deserve it?

Why did I lose my best friend?

Why did I allow myself to fall blindly in love with the wrong man ?

Why did my whole life Change?

Why do I feel behind ?

It seems like all I've been doing non stop for the past year and a half is grind.

Still it seems like I'm the furthest from the finish line

My heavy usage of Mary Jane is about more than just leisure , but strong medicine to numb my mind.

Medicine that takes my body over & the feelings that usually emotionally over come me , they start to decline.

I feel cold some nights , lonely on other days , mostly I feel content in staying in my own space . 

Learning myself is powerful 

It's a process I never thought of 

20 years I've spent with this body of mine that really I know nothing of.

20 years I've spent with this brain 

20 years I've spent with this heart 

20 years I've been in this world and still I have no idea where to start .

Freedom is only free when every aspect of your life is at peace .

I pray to God every day that I achieve that by 30.

I pray to God everyday that he won't let anyone else hurt me .

From the day that I wrecked my car and screamed for my daddy over the phone to the time I packed up all of my bags and left home . 

From the time I finally got my own place, to the time I realized that Having my own place did nothing but mentally put me in a scary space .

From the time I broke my lease and with it a 8 year friendship, to the time I spent In my head for weeks alone . 

Luckily for me I was able to go back home . 

From the time I ended a relationship that did nothing but hold me down , to the time i realized how much I deserve and I found my crown .

Every step forward I make is nerve wrecking , I never know which direction is right . 

Learning what I have to do now to ensure that I WILL succeed & not just MIGHT . 

I pray that the woman I am supposed to be , is proud of the girl that I am.

& that on my journey to her the mistakes I make are apart of the plan. 

I just pray that all of this isn't for nothing , & that I eventually find out who the fuck i am . 

- Camille Denine 🌎📜

I only miss you when it's dark outside by Camille Denine

I only miss you when it's dark outside

It's only right at night

When no one can see us

When there are no lights 

It's easier to feel your touch 

Easier to kiss your lips 

Easier to want you

My conscious is easier to dismiss 

Who you were to me in the sunshine was not the person I wanted to see

It was at night when I loved you , for all the lies you told me .

- Camille Denine 🌚

Part 2 untitled short story

Part 2 .

I couldn't believe my eyes. For the life of me, I couldn't gather why now?Ashlyn resembled her sister physically. They both wore a smooth caramel skin tone and a slim thick physique. Ashlyn wore her long light brown hair bone straight down the middle of her back. She pouted and gave me puppy face with her hazel eyes enhanced by long black lashes. She was just as beautiful as the day she left me and Avery. Just as beautiful as the day she had broken my heart.  I had to have been staring at her blankly for more than a minute before I finally spoke.

"What the hell are you doing here, Ashlyn? How did you even find us?"

I asked. 

I had answered the door in only my underwear. I could feel Ashlyn looking at my body , quickly she refocused on her sister standing behind me puzzled in the kitchen. 

"I could answer that, Koran. Then you'd have to tell me why my baby sister is in your kitchen and you are half naked.. Care to go first?"

Ashlyn said calmly.

"You don't get to walk out of my life , out of Avery's life two fucking years ago and pop up my door asking me questions! Are you crazy?"

I was enraged. I didn't want her there. I didn't want her standing in front of my face flaunting what she took from me , what she took from Avery.

"You know what? Just leave before my son wakes up . I don't want him to see you ."

I said and I started to close the door on her . She put her arm out to stop the door from closing on her 

"Koran, wait. You're right I'm sorry. I don't have the right to ask you questions... But come on Avery is my son too.."

She pleaded. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but how could I . She did this to herself . I hate her.

" So you can confuse him? He still doesn't understand why you left! You think I want to explain why you're back? GET OUT!"

Ashlyn looked to her sister and then looked to me and stepped away from the door . I wasted no time in slamming it in her face.

"Anty Missy!!! What are you doing here? Am I going with you today ? Please!"

I turned to find Avery standing behind me rubbing his eyes in his favorite ninja turtle footed pajamas,while at the same time jumping up and down from excitement. I loved is innocence. He had no cares in the world , always happy . I tried my best to keep that smile on his face , I would've been damned if Ashlyn was going to take it. I looked over to Missy, I needed help. So much was going through my mind I had no idea how to begin to process it. 

"Go brush your teeth funk mouth , & we will have our fun day early this week. Go get ready."

Avery ran excitedly to his room to change his clothes and get ready .

"Thanks , Missy.. For helping ."

I said . I walked over to her & ran my fingers through her hair then I leaned in and kissed her . Missy and Ashlyn were complete opposites but shared the same features. Missy also had beautiful long light brown hair , but she wore hers in its natural state. It was usually pulled back into a puff of little wild tight curls. Her eyes were a beautiful hazel green . I fell in love with their eyes. It was the first thing I noticed when I met Ashlyn and the first thing I noticed when she introduced me to her artsy little sister.  

"We still have to figure this out .."

Missy said quietly . Neither one of us wanted Avery to hear or see us , it would've been to confusing . I needed to know for sure what we were going to do before I included Avery.. But with Ashlyn popping up so unexpectedly it really threw me off, I had no answers .

"We will, Missy ."

Missy nodded her head & went to go help Avery get ready .

Missy and Avery had gone and I was alone with my thoughts . So much had happened since Ashlyn had left me . She couldn't have showed up at a worse time . I had been having feelings for Missy for about a year and I had finally acted on it and Ashlyn just pops up! Just like her , so fucking selfish . She didn't want me to be happy , she wanted me to sulk in misery forever .. I know it.

I couldn't sit in that damn apartment any longer . I needed to move . I put on a t-shirt and some basketball shorts , grabbed my workout bag and I walked to the 24 hour gym down the street . 

I worked out for about two hours and while It was a great work out , My mind was still every where. I looked at my cell phone, it was 4:00 and Ashlyn had texted me about 14 times. I wouldn't answer . I had nothing to say to her ... The only woman I wanted to say anything to was Missy.

I had gotten my work out bag and headed home . I walked up the stairs of my apartment building and saw Ashlyn sitting outside of my door. She had already seen me or else I probably would have turned back around . 

"Let me inside ,Koran . Let me explain myself ."

Ashlyn said as she stood up from sitting on the ground . I didn't want to talk to her , but it had to happen .

I didn't respond to her , but I unlocked my door & held it open for her to walk in .

She was still perfect . 

"Why are you here , Ashlyn? Answer me , but make it quick . My son should be home soon and it's not time for him to see you yet." 

I couldn't even look at her for long. I distracted myself by putting aside my work out bag and going to the kitchen to drink a protein meal replacer shake .

" I'm sorry . I know what I did was selfish ... I just I couldn't do it . I was overwhelmed Koran .. Running away seemed like the easiest way . You weren't there for me the way I needed you to be ... There's nothing I could say to justify my leaving but-"

I couldn't hear anymore. 

" Just stop. It doesn't matter . YOU decided to quit your job , pack up your shit , & leave me while I was at work . You decided to end our marriage and you decided to not pick up a phone for 2 years or even send your son a fucking postcard ! There is NOTHING you can say to justify that , you're absolutely right . YET , here you are in front of me with your fucking lonely sob story . You could have told me ! You could have talked to me , Ashlyn you could have fucking TRIED! You left because you wanted to . SAY IT!!!"

Ashlyn's eyes welled up with tears and she turned away and headed for the door. I don't know why I did it , but I went after her . I sped in front of her and blocked the door so she couldn't leave. 

"SAY IT!"

I yelled .

" I Wanted too !! Just in the moment baby , I thought I was right.. I thought it was the right thing to do. I had a plan I was leaving and I was going to come back for Avery.. But once I actually did it . Once I packed my things and I got on the next flight to Florida I realized I couldn't turn back . There was no fixing what I had done.. I was too embarrassed to come back after leaving you!"

Ashlyn was sobbing uncontrollably , but i still didn't feel sorry for her.

"What the fuck was in Florida ? You want to come in here with a sob ass lie about how I wasn't there for you . I BROKE MY BACK FOR YOU . You ran away with another man . You think I'm stupid ? You didn't leave just because , you had some motive. You thought you were going to runaway with another nigga and you and that nigga was gone raise my son?! That's what you thought ." 

I was livid . Ashlyn didn't know . She thought that I was clueless , I knew that she had started seeing another man outside of our marriage , I just never expected her to leave me. I thought we had time to work things out but before we could she left . 

She looked up at me surprised, her face wet with tears .

" I knew, Ashlyn ."

I said . I looked down at her . She couldn't speak , I knew why she had nothing to say . She thought I didn't know.

"Why was my little sister here earlier , Kori?"

Ashlyn said wiping away her tears .

Kori was her pet name for me , when we were together and a family.. When we were in love,

" Don't call me that."

I said then I pushed her to the side to walk back towards the living room .

"Why not? You'll always be Kori to me , Koran . Letting you go isn't easy for me..."

Ashlyn came walking towards me .

"I hope that's not why you came . Thinking that I still love you .."

Ashlyn stood behind the couch and placed her arms around my neck . She smelled so good . She leaned in and I could feel her breathing on my ear ... And I felt myself weakening. A part of me definitely still loved her , but she would never know it.

" You need to leave , Ashlyn. Now."

She backed up.

"WHY was Missy here? Are you fucking my baby sister , Kori?! I left and you decide to start fucking my sister, is that it?"

Ashlyn walked around the couch from behind me and stood in front of me.

"Who is in my home is none of your damn business ! I don't owe you SHIT let alone an explanation ."

I had had it . Ashlyn had really pissed me off . I wanted her to disappear from my life all over again . Even though a sliver of me wanted to kiss her.. Touch her .. Hold her like I used to . My feelings were everywhere . I just needed my space . I wouldn't be waiting for long . Ashlyn grabbed her purse and headed for the door .

" I'll let this go for now. But I want to see Avery , and soon."

She said before she left . I had gotten myself into some shit and I hadn't the slightest idea how to go about Ashlyn's reappearance or my feelings for Missy . 

Part1 untitled Short story

 Part 1 

"So what are you going to do?"

I didn't know. I had no idea how to answer my brothers question. I wanted her .. I wanted Missy so bad . I just couldn't bring myself to tell her .

"I don't know. It's whatever . I probably won't even say anything."

I think I said that more for myself than for my brother . He knew . 

"Bro, I can't help but to think that Ashlyn has something to do with why you are holding yourself back.."

Just the sound of her name made my chest hurt. 

" I don't want to talk about her . It has nothing to do with that ."

Keynan, my brother, knew better , he knew that it had everything to do with Ashlyn.

"Whatever you say . All I'm going to say is that you have to let it go bro. You have to move forward. But look, I've got to finish this paperwork up . But think about it . If you'd just be open with her you may be surprised."

Once Keynan hung up the phone , I was left alone with my thoughts. My son , Avery, was asleep in his room. It's amazing just how much he's been through at just 6 years old . Uprooted from the home he had grown up in , from a 3 bedroom house , to a two bedroom apartment , a mother who had abandoned him.. Who had abandoned us , and a whole new school . Just in the last two years he had seen and been through so much and still he slept as peacefully as if nothing had ever happened. I was envious of that.

I walked into the kitchen to grab myself a beer when I heard a knock at my door. I looked at the clock which read 9:47PM. I wasn't expecting anyone . I walked to my front door & hesitantly looked through the peephole and standing there was Missy. She was stunning , even with a tear stricken face . I opened the door.

"Missy, what's going on ? "

I asked , even though I already knew. Missy had been having problems in her relationship and it didn't seem to be getting any better. Missy pushed past me and headed straight into the kitchen . She reached into the cabinet for a wine glass and then the refrigerator for a cold bottle . She poured a glass and drank the first one within seconds . Then poured herself a second glass.

"Free hasn't come home for two days. We got into a fight the other day , she packed up a bag , & she fucking left. I haven't seen or heard from her in two fucking days. Damn , like why can't she see that I love her? Is she blind ? I find out she cheated on me & SHE leaves? Where the fuck does that happen? I'm confused."

She said , and then threw back the second glass and started to pour her third. 

Missy had been married for five  years to her high school sweetheart . They were happy together at first and after a year  Missy became pregnant. Three months into her pregnancy , she had a miscarriage. It devastated Missy & her husband. Months after the miscarriage , her husband no longer wanted to try to have another baby and he became verbally abusive towards her.  It had been three years before she divorced him.  Then she met Free , and despite the fact that she had never been with a woman , Missy fell in love with her . 

"Drink the whole bottle , why don't you?"

I said . I didn't care about the wine. I just didn't want to hear about Free. Missy deserved better than Free, and I couldn't tell her any more times without letting her know how I felt. 

"Well if you insist . Is Avery  asleep ?" 

Missy deserted the glass, grabbed the bottle and headed towards the couch . 

"He is ."

I walked over to the couch and say with her.

"I have a joint. I haven't smoked a joint since the 11th grade . Tonight I felt like I should have one , I also decided that you were going to smoke it with me whether you agreed or not."

I laughed .

"Spark it up."

Missy sparked up the joint , took a pull and closed her eyes. She was savoring the moment .

"My sister called me yesterday. I didn't answer. But she called."

Missy said as she exhaled the smoke and passed the joint to me . I took it. My whole body tensed up at the mention of her sister . 

"She left a voicemail, she didn't even ask about Avery."

I pulled from the joint and instantly began coughing . Missy laughed and she passed me the bottle of wine. I drank from the bottle and tried to redeem myself by taking another pull from the joint . This time it was smoother .

"Honestly , Koran . I just can't get over the fact that she up and left you guys .. Their selfish."

Missy started to rant.

"Who is they?"

"My ex husband , my sister, and my girlfriend ! All of them selfish . She ups and leaves you and Avery two years ago doesn't even call. For all I know Free could be be with the same bitch she cheated with right now . This is just fucked up.

"It is ,"

I said then passed the joint back to Missy

"But I don't want to talk about your sister and I don't want to hear about Free."

Missy pulled from the joint one more time before putting it out. She took the bottle from me and the drank more from it and set it down on the table.

"Well what do you want to talk about, Koran?"

If I didn't say it then , it would've never come out . Keynan was right. I had to say something, eventually I had to move forward. 

I repositioned myself on the couch so that I was facing her and I looked at her.

She was everything. For the life of me I couldn't understand why she still was with Free. She was beautiful and had been by my and Avery's side since the day her sister had left me.

She looked nervous . 

"What is your problem weirdo?"

She said as she started to reach for the bottle , I stopped her by grabbing her hand . She looked at me and before she could say anything else I kissed her and to my surprise she kissed me back . Before I knew it we were naked on the floor having passionate , drunk high sex . 

I had woken up early. Missy even earlier than me because she was fully dressed and sitting on the couch with coffee. 

"Avery is still asleep."

She said once she realized I was awake.

"Good ."

I said sitting up.

"Koran, what the hell was that? Last night.. You kissed me."

She said.

"And you kissed me back, not only did you kiss me back we had sex. I could ask you the same question."

I got up and went to the kitchen . I needed coffee myself.

"You kissed me first! And I was drunk!"

Missy said jumping off of the couch and coming to confront me in the kitchen.

"You didn't like it?"

I asked. I walked towards her and she shifted awkwardly away from me. 

".. That's not the point."

She nearly whispered . 

I pressed myself against her & she melted into my arms . We started kissing again . Passionately kissing . This time no alcohol was to blame .

We were going for round two, when we were interrupted by a knock at my door . 

"Don't get it .."

Missy whispered in between kisses . I should've listened. Instead I walked to the door and without looking through the peephole opened it .

I was floored.

Standing in front of me at this moment , of all moments after I hadn't seen her in two years was Ashlyn ...

"Morning sunshine .."

Ashlyn said.

"Can we talk?"

One thing I will never be By Camille Denine

One thing I'm not 

One thing I will never be

Is your play thing .Your sweet talk her, so she feels warm inside. But really won't even give her the time of day thing . I am not easily satisfied with words. I require your actions and motives to be as genuine and thorough as my love for you.

I don't want to hear any more.

I need to see. 

Show me what your willing to do.

The future we talked about I still see it. The man I need in you .. You can still be it .Choices are the only things that will come between it. The difference from now is crucial to then.

I want to look at you and feel in love again .

- Camille Denine 💔🔑. 

Raw . by Camille Denine

It's seemingly dark where I am now .

I've never found myself so detached.

Everyday I can feel myself struggling to keep my sanity in tact .

I've lost my ability to control my feelings .

Inside of me there is an open battle field .

I've lost all hope for healing .

My mind is sinking like my heart did when I felt the sharp betrayal of a friend .

When everything I had busted my ass for and worked for was snatched up from under me in an ugly end .

Pent up , built up stress I'm going to fucking explode . 

I am weak , at the bottom I sit I've never sunk so low .

Forcing myself to write something anything that can help release ..

& reading These words I can tell that even my best talent has left me .

I feel naked .

Stripped of any sense of security.

It's as if this year alone has swallowed me whole , chewed me up & open its mouth as if it is going to finally release me and spit me out but then viciously sucks me back in . 

When ? Just when in the fuck will this bullshit end ? I am doing my best to maintain , I'm dragging my ass to work every fucking day , paying bills that I can't afford to pay , I CANT GET ANYTHING TO GO MY FUCKING WAY .

They don't think I can hear them . Everybody has something to say .. 

Something about me .

About how I did it to myself .

How this is what it took for me to see.

I'm quiet , so they don't think that I am listening .

They just don't know .

I am  like an unattended pot brewing and brewing and brewing for so long that eventually I will have no choice but to overflow.

I feel like I am crazy.. 

This can't be healthy to feel completely isolated and alone .