The journey I'm on isn't new
It's been going on for some time
Countless prayers each night
Asking what was my crime ?
What did I do to deserve it?
Why did I lose my best friend?
Why did I allow myself to fall blindly in love with the wrong man ?
Why did my whole life Change?
Why do I feel behind ?
It seems like all I've been doing non stop for the past year and a half is grind.
Still it seems like I'm the furthest from the finish line
My heavy usage of Mary Jane is about more than just leisure , but strong medicine to numb my mind.
Medicine that takes my body over & the feelings that usually emotionally over come me , they start to decline.
I feel cold some nights , lonely on other days , mostly I feel content in staying in my own space .
Learning myself is powerful
It's a process I never thought of
20 years I've spent with this body of mine that really I know nothing of.
20 years I've spent with this brain
20 years I've spent with this heart
20 years I've been in this world and still I have no idea where to start .
Freedom is only free when every aspect of your life is at peace .
I pray to God every day that I achieve that by 30.
I pray to God everyday that he won't let anyone else hurt me .
From the day that I wrecked my car and screamed for my daddy over the phone to the time I packed up all of my bags and left home .
From the time I finally got my own place, to the time I realized that Having my own place did nothing but mentally put me in a scary space .
From the time I broke my lease and with it a 8 year friendship, to the time I spent In my head for weeks alone .
Luckily for me I was able to go back home .
From the time I ended a relationship that did nothing but hold me down , to the time i realized how much I deserve and I found my crown .
Every step forward I make is nerve wrecking , I never know which direction is right .
Learning what I have to do now to ensure that I WILL succeed & not just MIGHT .
I pray that the woman I am supposed to be , is proud of the girl that I am.
& that on my journey to her the mistakes I make are apart of the plan.
I just pray that all of this isn't for nothing , & that I eventually find out who the fuck i am .
- Camille Denine 🌎📜
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