Raw . by Camille Denine

It's seemingly dark where I am now .

I've never found myself so detached.

Everyday I can feel myself struggling to keep my sanity in tact .

I've lost my ability to control my feelings .

Inside of me there is an open battle field .

I've lost all hope for healing .

My mind is sinking like my heart did when I felt the sharp betrayal of a friend .

When everything I had busted my ass for and worked for was snatched up from under me in an ugly end .

Pent up , built up stress I'm going to fucking explode . 

I am weak , at the bottom I sit I've never sunk so low .

Forcing myself to write something anything that can help release ..

& reading These words I can tell that even my best talent has left me .

I feel naked .

Stripped of any sense of security.

It's as if this year alone has swallowed me whole , chewed me up & open its mouth as if it is going to finally release me and spit me out but then viciously sucks me back in . 

When ? Just when in the fuck will this bullshit end ? I am doing my best to maintain , I'm dragging my ass to work every fucking day , paying bills that I can't afford to pay , I CANT GET ANYTHING TO GO MY FUCKING WAY .

They don't think I can hear them . Everybody has something to say .. 

Something about me .

About how I did it to myself .

How this is what it took for me to see.

I'm quiet , so they don't think that I am listening .

They just don't know .

I am  like an unattended pot brewing and brewing and brewing for so long that eventually I will have no choice but to overflow.

I feel like I am crazy.. 

This can't be healthy to feel completely isolated and alone .